Log in


Recent Entries

You are viewing 10 entries, 10 into the past

September 4th, 2006

01:07 pm: every day he stomp stomp stomps on it
he tears me apart
and he hangs up the phone

11:43 am: i miss my maxi max
i miss sleeping next to him
hearing him breathing
with his arms wrapped around me 
and his lips kissing my neck while we sleep
but i did have fun last nite w/ lauren
oh and heres me w/ blonde hair
and drawn on eyebrows

Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: leash called love:sugarcubes

September 3rd, 2006

03:31 pm: im going to find out
if blondes have more fun

September 2nd, 2006

09:27 pm: nobody will love me unless i give myself to them
nobody will understand what im going through they will only assume
nobody will approach me unless i lose 15 pounds
and nobody will be there when im in need of a friend
its really horrible 
b/c tonite i wanted to go out
infact over the past couple months i have wanted to go out
but there is one problem
maybe two but im addressing this one that i have
and that is that i have nobody
but people have me
i would do anything for someone 
to have just a night to remember
but when i want something special
i get let down
and all i have is the x's
and then they spit on me
one minute they say im beautiful
the next they shit on me
and what option do i really have
when there is nothing to fall back on
b/c its either put up w/ the garbage
or hide away in my dreams
i work so fucking hard for nothing
and i overwork myself
maybe so i dont have this time to sit and think
how lonely i have been
and how unhappy it has made me 
since that nite
the image 
i cant get it out of my head
it dwindles in my mind
while i go through out my day
the needles 
the bed 
them lying there 
or is it laying there
the lies 
driving her home
i dont know what to believe 
or what to believe in
i cant fall in love again
but i can live tomorrow
what good is tomorrow
if the love is so misused
and almost meaningless
he knows this 
he knows that he is all i have
and hes destroyed me
i dont even know who i am
but he loves me
and i do love him
so he kills me
and i let him
then i try to make things better
till i think about what has happened
and what is going on

Current Mood: depressedfucked
Current Music: china:tori amos

August 31st, 2006

07:44 pm: last night after the dark came i think i saw a rainbow when i was driving over the bridge

although i know he loves me

my heart is far too broken

my eyes are way to swollen

and my head is such a mess

although hes trying to fix things

i know i cant just stand still

while people racing pass me

to reach the finish line

i want to have a baby

someone to take care of me

one to love me

to marry him

Current Mood: gloomygloomy

August 29th, 2006

09:00 pm: i need to get
fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccked up

August 28th, 2006

03:32 pm:

im so tired of calling him

100 times a day

and getting his answering machine

or a click on the other line

this is telling me something

this is telling me the truth

this is telling me who i really am to him

haha what funny comments he makes to me

and what funny names he has called me

im sure you would laugh

if you knew what i meant

Current Mood: bitchybitchy

August 27th, 2006

09:53 am: this weekend was
self destructing, unfulfilling, confusing, confidence diminishing, and out of place
i feel a depression coming on
mind games, mind races, and mind traffic
losing and lost touch w/ people
not comfortable w/ who people have become
wondering what/who ive become
i just need to reach my finish line
and that is to become something
and if somebody wants to accompany me
and satisfy me the way i need 
then it will happen 
but rite now i am alone
i only have the memories of our past
oh how i wish i could relive them
again and again

Current Mood: sadsad

August 26th, 2006

put that song in your ear
if its happened to you
it will tear you appart
and if its happened 
more than once
over and over
w/ the same person
it will kill you inside
but you will be ok
b/c there is beauty w/ in all decay

Current Mood: blahblah
Powered by LiveJournal.com